The Panoptiblog

In order to fulfill my obligation as a proprietor of a blog, I offer you this Top Ten Films of the 2000s list.  These lists are more statements about what kind of viewer the writer is than about which movies are better than others. I grew up on comic books, so the list of movies I saw is gonna be heavier on superheroes than others’ might be. I have kids, so I have the opportunity to be surprised by The Princess and the Frog (which I thought was cute). I’m not a huge fan of Clint Eastwood as a director (though Unforgiven would be on my Best of the Nineties list), so I didn’t get around to Million Dollar Baby or Gran Turino yet. Et cetera.

So here we go, in alphabetical order.

Adaptation. (2002)– Truly original. Probably too meta for a lot of people, and I could see it if somebody told me it was obnoxious. Has one of the great speeches about love ever spoken in film, for my money.

No Country for Old Men (2007) — I don’t buy There Will Be Blood as better than the Coen Brothers’ film of the same year, but Blood is the one showing up on decade’s best lists I’ve seen. If there’s a flaw in Country, I don’t know what it is.

Pan’s Labyrinth (2006) — An imaginative and effectively frightening film that makes me believe he can handle the pressure taking over the Tolkein franchise from Peter Jackson. Beautiful.

Ratatouille — There are other Pixar films I liked this decade. The Incredibles was derivative but well-executed; Wall-E was experimental in design but lazy in its message. Ratatouille had both did things that I hadn’t seen American animation try to do, and did it exceptionally well. It was brave; there was no guarantee that this would appeal to kids in the way that Finding Nemo and its ilk did and do, and parts are clearly more aimed at adults.

Requiem for a Dream (2006) — If I had to pick one movie above all the rest, I might pick this one. Aranofsky’s film tracking addiction through four related protagonists is ice cold brilliant. And very hard to watch.

Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001) — I don’t know if this is the LOTR film that belongs here, but Jen made a good case for it. Sentimentally, this is the one that made you say “wow” the way Star Wars did back in the day. In the next two, you said, “Let’s see what he does next,” but that first one was eye opening. This is a placeholder for the whole series, though.

Slumdog Millionaire (2008) — All right, here’s the love story. Clever premise. Great color. Amazing soundtrack. Plus, the actors actually fell in love and are sill together. (Do Bollywood romances have the same track record as ours do?)

Watchmen (2009) — I hate to do this… It seems too soon, and I haven’t seen it enough times to really justify it. I haven’t even seen the “ultimate cut” that Jen got me for XMas yet. But it was a near-perfect adaptation of the graphic novel, and actually seemed to make use of what film can do that comics can’t (music, for one) to complement what Moore and Gibbons were trying to do.

Y Tu Mama Tambien (2001) — That’s right, love stories outnumber comic book adaptations on this list. You got a problem with it? I’ve used up all my good film adjectives by this point. If you’ve seen Alfonso Cuarón’s film about two boys trying to impress an older woman who seduces them, you know why it’s on the list. If you haven’t seen it, you should.

What’s that, you say? That’s only nine films? That’s ’cause I couldn’t settle on a deserving tenth. My heart says The Dark Knight, because I just love it… but my head says it has too many flaws, and the performances aside from Heath’s weren’t brilliant (though Heath’s Joker is almost enough to get it on the list anyway). Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is on a lot of lists, but I thought it was overrated. Paris, Je T’aime? Haven’t seen it yet, plus that woulda been two films for Cuarón, which would have to hurt my credibility. And too many foreign films are the mark of a snob.

So I put it to you: What did I leave out?

Oh yeah. And here are five films I wasted my life on. They suck. That is all.

300 — Before Zack Snyder redeemed himself with Watchmen, he was best known for the dumbest, most homophobic, and yet gayest, movie ever. Don’t trust me, ask Andrew Sullivan.

The Fountain — Hollywood producers: next time Daren Aronofsky asks you to fund his art project starring Huge Ackman, just say no. More closeups of his bad acting the world does not need.

The Ladykillers — Tom Hanks + Coen Brothers = major suckage. Whoda thunk?

Star Wars Episode II : Attack of the Clones — Sort of the reverse of LOTR… Hard to know which one was worst. I vote AOTC the worst crime against humanity and my childhood that George Lucas committed, at least until Indy IV, which I refused to see.

Vicky Cristina Barcelona – Woody Allen + worst voiceover ever = major suckage. Yeah, should’ve seen that one coming. But people said it was good!